Divagando.....

How to live beside someone who looks so percetly imperfect. Se his so dual, so umpredictible... sometimes I think, or better, I wish he's a fag. And yet, sometimes he appears to me like King Arthur and I just don't know what to do with myself.

When I 'm eside him I am completely under control.... or so I hope. I just hope my eyes won't betray me when I look at him. But I am pretty sure they do. For I sometimes notice his eyes are on me. I prefer to lie to mysef ant tell me it is just foolish wondering... but just the other day I caught the satre and I thought he wanted and information... I swear I thought that. He told me I was mistaken. I know I was not. He blushed, he stuttered. I Hope he is not around but when I don't see him it feels like there is no air and the day has no light, no fun.

I am completely aware that nothing will ever happen. I just can't help wishing it does happen by some god's mad doing, by some crazy twist of fate that would make both him and me two other peole in some other time.

There are times when there's this loging for him... it's helplesse but conforting at the samen time. Because I can have any guy in my bed, but they don't have me. It's conforting to know I stll know how to tell a good guay from the bad one and that I can keep my love for a good man.

He is asleep right now.In someone else's arms. How I wish he would be awake thinking of me. But I just know he is not.
When I awke up in a few hours, the dream will have vanished, and I'll put my feet on the ground, but right now it is mine. And I'll cling to it. Today my thoughts are his, all the songs are his, all my love is his.

"Every night
Every day
I tell my heart
To forget you and to
Move away
Not to break
Anymore
But oh, no matter
What I say
You're so deep in my mind
There's no way to leave this love behind
It used to be
I believed
I could go on
And find someone to
Rest upon
Anyone, anyone
Soon I found
There was no other
There you are
Framed against the sky
You are my life
And I pray for when
You will be mine
To love again
I see the rain
In the sky
And I see your face
Through every tear that I cry
With every breath
And every sound
I can hear
Another voice and swear that
You're around
And every word is clear
Cause I know
The memory won't let go
Until you're mine
To love again
Who's to say what lives in the past
Who's to say that love won't last
Time's been standing still
Waiting so patiently until
Until that one day when
When I will have you
To love again
And there you are
Framed against the sky
You are my life
And I pray for when
You will be mine
To love again"